Scars Fade
by TwilightWorshipper14
Summary: As the newest Dauntless Leader in Training, she's excelled. Paz was the ultimate student, quick and fierce...and not afraid to do what needed to be done in order to reach the top. She trained, pushed herself to the edge and further. Tragedy struck in her second stage of training and who she was, who she was meant to be was derailed. Now she's going to make them pay. BK 2 in series.
1. Prologue

Scars Fade

Battle Scars BK 2

 **Summary:** As the newest Dauntless Leader in Training, she's excelled. Paz was the ultimate student, quick and fierce...and not afraid to do what needed to be done in order to reach the top. She trained, pushed herself to the edge and further. Tragedy struck in her second stage of training and who she was, who she was meant to be was derailed. She spent months trying to track down the man who killed her friend but she wasn't prepared to face the consequences of who it was. She hasn't told anyone about the truth. Not even her best friend. Her loyalties are torn but she's back and now she's going to be as ruthless as she needs to be in order to finish the path she started and make sure that Jeanine, Eric, Max? They're all going to pay for what they've done.

 _ **A/N:** _Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent world. I only own Pazia (Pronounced: Pah-ze-ah) and my OC's.

 _ **Rating: M - For Mature Content up to and including gore, trigger warnings, and sexual scenes. I will be including warnings at the top of chapters and page breaks before such content.**_

 _ **Hello everyone! I'm glad to introduce Scars Fade, the second installment of what is rapidly planning to be a trilogy. I hope my previous readers are still with me and I welcome any and all new readers. I hope you enjoy this little snippet, the first chapter will be out within the week. Get ready because we're about to go on a wild ride. Paz and Eric aren't the sweetest couple but they hold an intensity that few get to experience and I hope I can express it adequately for the lot of you. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Prologue

 _ **"Are you sure you're ready for this?"**_

 _ **"You doubt me?"**_

 _ **"Absolutely not. If anyone can train a bunch of incompetent initiates, it would be you."**_

 _ **"Of course, it would be, Bean Pole."**_

 _ **"Always with that nickname, huh, butterfly?"**_

 _ **"That's who we are. No matter what...we can't forget who we were and where we came from. That's what made us into the badass warriors we are today!"**_

 _ **"You're such an arrogant brat, butterfly!"**_

 _ **"I can't help but completely and utterly agree. But then, that's why you love me..."**_

 _ **"I'll never regret that. I know we won't ever be more than what we are now and always have been. Maybe in another life, we could be more but I think I love you too much to want to be in a relationship with you. If that makes any sense."**_

 _ **"I would pretend to be offended but I feel the same way. Besides, who needs romance in their lives? We do just fine on our own."**_

 _ **"You can't hide from him forever."**_

 _ **"Of course not. That's why I'm going back now, isn't it?"**_

 _ **"...no need to be so snippy, butterfly. You know no matter what path you take, I've always got your back."**_

 _ **"...I know. Thank you."**_

 _ **"Anytime, Pazzy, anytime."**_

 _ **"Time to face the music, Bean Pole."**_

 _ **"Go be ruthless, Paz."**_

 _ **"..."**_

 _ **"Sorry."**_

 _ **"It's fine. I am fine. Now let's go!"**_


	2. Chapter One

_**A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent world. I only own Pazia. (Pronounced: Pah-ze-ah.) This story is set the year before Tris.**_

 ** _Rating:_** _M_

 _A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much to ShadowHunter19, VampAcademyGirl, bezgraniczna, and musicluver246 for your follows/favs! Quick shoutout to musicluver246, thank you so much for your review!_

 _ **Chapter One**_

As the senior leader of Dauntless, he shouldn't be nervous.

It was completely and utterly ridiculous. He was a part of a council of leaders and he held the majority of power in Dauntless. Everyone answered to him. He has fought in countless battles, was at the top of his class during his initiation and hasn't ever been beaten in a fight since.

So why is he nervous?

"Max." The cold drawl of Eric Coulter, currently the youngest leader on the council for Dauntless made him snap to attention.

"Eric." Max gave a sharp nod of his head, keenly aware of the reason for his unease. The blonde leader stands a good head taller than him, dressed in his usual black shirt, heavy black Kevlar vest strapped on over it, black cargo pants and steel-toe boots, multiple weapons strapped all over his body, a streamlined and intimidating Heckler & Koch UMP machine gun held firmly across his body, his thumb hovering over the safety, prepared to flick it off and fire in seconds.

They had just received the shipment of the stunning weapons a little over a month ago and Eric, who had never favored one type of gun over the other, took to it with disturbing eagerness. The lethal weapon could shoot 800 rounds per minute and it was the perfect tactical weapon, both lightweight while still dealing out serious damage. It almost looked like a toy in his massive hands but the death toll that weapon alone had taken in Eric's hands...that was no toy.

"Why carry the gun today, Eric? We're _welcoming_ the initiates, not scaring them off." His tone was dry but he was trying to lighten the mood.

It wasn't working.

"I'm heading out on a patrol as soon as we give the welcome speech. I have no need to be here until tomorrow and I want to get some more practice in." The smirk he shot almost lovingly towards his gun made Max cock an eyebrow but he held his tongue. On that front at least.

"Are you sure that's the only reason?" He kept his tone bland but from the almost nasty look Eric shot him, the meaning behind the question was clear. A certain Dauntless Leader in Training had been gone from the compound for the past six months. No one knew what happened between the two but rumors flew the second someone caught wind that Paz was leaving for Border Patrol training...and she wasn't going with Eric.

For that had been the plan.

Eric was waiting until his schedule was clear to leave for a few months and he was going to personally take Paz, his...girlfriend? Lover? His whatever they were, to the Border Patrol compound and oversee her training until she was ready to come back. It hadn't been a shock to anyone in the know; the two were completely enamored with each other. They weren't in love, it had been too harsh to be called love. They were constantly at odds with Eric attempting to control Paz and Paz...not accepting that at all. They had butted heads almost constantly but in the next second the fierce pair had been...almost calmed by each other.

Their fights never lasted long because they seemed drawn to each other with a force neither could or really wanted to resist. The way they handled each other seemed almost cruel to an outside observer, with Paz refusing to allow him anywhere near her apartment and denying any and all feelings for the blonde leader and Eric always hovering, sometimes to the point of driving a wedge between Paz and her friends.

He'd fought with her best friend and one of the best Border Patrol recruits Dauntless had in a long time, Jethro, beating the other man with the type of ferocity rarely seen even in Dauntless. To many, that had spelled the end because everyone was aware of how fiercely Paz would protect her friends. That went doubly so for Jethro. Yet, Eric and Paz always ended up back together with Paz teasing the closed-off leader, her bright spirit unlocking a lighter side to Eric that few had ever seen. In return, he crept past her guards with disturbing ease, troubling her frequently with how often he could manipulate her emotions; either on purpose or otherwise.

While they were toxic at first, that was the surface of their relationship. Past the snarling image they both put up, they craved the contact and warmth a relationship would bring and Max had witnessed as their hard edges softened and the two began to develop new images, something still fierce but infinitely warmer. He'd had hope for the young leader and leader in training but in the span of one night, the two had split up to the confusion of everyone, everywhere.

It had been a brutal parting on the both of them but neither had spoken to anyone that would spread the gossip so the confusion was forced to settle on its own.

Max didn't know if the parting had been vicious enough for the blonde leader to want to shoot Paz upon her return but he also didn't want to find out. Ever since the split and Paz leaving, Eric and his attitude had been worse than ever before. He'd been unbearable to work with, snapping at everyone for the slightest of reasons and more often than not, for no reason at all.

Max had read the reports for Paz and she seemed to be faring better. She excelled at her Border Patrol position, taking to it with an ease that he had only witnessed once before in her friend Jethro. Normally a new Border Patrol recruit wouldn't be allowed to lead their own patrol until at least five to six months of training but Paz had excelled so much she had begun leading her own patrol at four and a half months.

Truthfully, she could have come back at that four and a half months but she had reached out to him, asking for an extension on her stay. She had claimed it was to gain a true appreciation for leading a patrol and being responsible for the lives of her teammates but he had a good guess that she hadn't been entirely truthful. He had almost denied the request and brought her back but after considering it, he couldn't. The only real reason he wanted her back was that he was quietly hoping her return would calm Eric.

In the end, he couldn't sacrifice the training she could still potentially receive in order to calm the blonde leader's ruffled and no-doubt ripped out feathers. So, he granted the request but stipulating she would help Four train the newest batch of initiates so she could gain more leadership experience. She would need to know about the training of the newest potential members of their faction regardless.

She had volleyed back with a proposal about-

"I'm not going to shoot her. She made her choice." Pain shadowed Eric's eyes. "Now we both have to live with it." He blinked and the shadow of pain was gone. He clenched his jaw and turned back to Max, as cold and impenetrable as a wall of ice. "When will Sienna get back with the initiates?" Eric questioned. Max caught the attempt to shift the conversation and briefly considered ignoring it and pressing him further on the topic but decided it wouldn't be wise. He wanted Eric to be as calm as he could possibly be when Paz finally showed up.

He conveniently didn't mention that Paz would be coming back on the same train as the initiates. Eric would find out soon enough...when they walked through the doors. His mouth twitched in a small, devilish smirk but he passed it off as an appreciative glance at a passing by brunette. She flushed under the attention of her leader, adding a little more sway to her walk. He chuckled under his breath and turned back to Eric.

"They should be on their way back now."

~Scars Fade~

"If you plan on making it into our Faction, I suggest you follow me to the tracks!" Sienna called, her hair fluttering loosely around her shoulders. She had cut it a couple months ago and it no longer reached her lower back, instead, just barely brushing her shoulders and falling in a sleek, pin-straight waterfall of brunette and crimson streaks. Her brilliant green eyes flashed with friendly laughter, edged with enough Dauntless fire a few of the initiates gulped, intimidated by her confidence.

Her midriff was bare, a magnificent gold and black tattoo of the sun, centered over her belly button and flaring out to cover the rest of her lower stomach, the orange Dauntless flames proudly in the center of the sun. A few of the males allowed their gazes to linger. One, in particular, did not.

He was massive, towering over everyone by a good foot. He was as broad as he was tall, his skin ruddy from sun exposure. He reminded Sienna of Eric, with his cold gaze. His red hair was cropped close to his head, his eyes a stunning gold. Sienna flicked her gaze to the side of the male, spotting Ellie, the Dauntless Ambassador for Amity as she flitted to his side. Sienna was too far away to hear what she said but it didn't have an impact on the male. His expression remained guarded and bored.

He wasn't giving away anything.

Sienna caught Ellie's eye and jerked her head, silently ordering the younger woman to her side. A look of frustration crossed her face before Ellie left her younger brother's side and walked over to Sienna. The whole interaction had taken the space of seconds. Without a word, Sienna spun on her heel and let out a loud whoop, a wild grin slashing her stunning face when she heard the echoes from the rest of her faction.

She surged forward, her boots pounding the pavement in perfect sync with her Faction, feeling the familiar thrill racing through her blood as she ran. She ran like a cheetah, stretching out her whole body into the run, hollering and yelling as she led the pack. It had been a little while since she had the freedom to run like this. Their Faction had been in an upheaval ever since Paz had left.

About a month after she went for her Border Patrol training, the Factionless had begun to riot. No one understood why and it was a continued mystery as to where and how they were getting their weapons. Not to mention the why. While it was true the Factionless had always caused problems, it wasn't nearly as often or as lethal as it had become.

Ellie lost some of that pinched look of frustration and, instead, a look of glee was flashing happily in her sapphire eyes. Most of the initiates were keeping up. Dauntless would be receiving fifteen new initiates this year. It was still a good-sized group but not nearly as large as the group from last year, totaling around twenty-four initiates. Sienna felt a sliver of sympathy wiggle through her chest for the transfers. There were only six this year, that's five less than last year.

Leading the way up the train tracks, Sienna glanced behind her, a small bit of relief lifting her faster when she saw all of the initiates following up. This is why she can't be a trainer, she felt too much sympathy for the new transfers. She didn't have it in her to have to train them, to root for them, and then to have to let them go if they didn't make it. It wasn't in her to be able to do that and keep moving forward without losing an integral part of who she is. Maybe that's what she never fully let go of from growing up in Amity but she didn't see it as a weakness. To her, empathy can be one of humanities greatest strengths.

The piercing whistle of the train sounded above their heads, the tracks vibrating under her feet as she swung herself up onto the platform. Without taking a beat, Sienna launched herself forward into the first boxcar on the train. She stuck the landing and turned in time to see most of the Dauntless members she'd taken along with her launch themselves in after her.

One was missing.

Sienna let out a hiss of minor annoyance, striding forward and poking her head out, holding her hair back with one hand as she scanned the tracks. Most of the Dauntless-born initiates were already on the train, two have yet to make it but as she watched, they swung themselves in with the helping hands of their fellow Dauntless-born initiates. Sienna skipped past them, spotting Ellie's copper head easily. The young ambassador was keeping up easily with her younger brother and under her careful eye, he swung himself into the train, Ellie right behind him.

Sienna rolled her eyes and sighed, scanning the rest of the platform to see if there were any initiates left behind.

There was only one girl left.

She was tiny, with a head of dark hair and a cobalt blue suit. Sienna felt a lurch of recognition. The girl almost instantly reminded her of Paz. The fierce dauntless leader in training had been one of the last who made it on the train last year. Sienna had been watching but with a distant sense of curiosity. She hadn't known the young woman then.

She bit her lip, silently urging the young girl on, her grip tight on the door of the train. She couldn't help. If she did, it was likely the train would end up leaving her behind. As it was, there were only five boxcars left before the girl would get left behind.

"Come on," Sienna urged softly, her heart clenching in her chest. The girl reached out, missing the handle but kept running. Four boxcars left. She tried again and this time latched onto the handle, nearly tripping herself but disappearing from view when she pulled herself in. Sienna let out a small breath and turned back to the group.

"Did they all make it?" Conner asked curiously, amber eyes lifting from his tablet.

"They did. We almost lost one but she's gonna be a fierce little thing. She was dressed in Erudite clothing. To be honest," Sienna paused to let out a small laugh, dropping down beside him. "She kind of reminded me of Paz."

"Oh hell no! We do not need another one of her running around. We can barely keep up with the one we have!" Conner exclaimed, laughing a little. While Paz and Conner had started off with a flirtatious friendship, during her training as a leader, it had mellowed into a genuine friendship and the understanding on Conner's part that he couldn't handle the femme fatale even if he somehow managed to steal her away from Eric.

"I know, trust me, I know!" Sienna teased, shaking her head and shrugging. "She's a transfer though so we won't have to deal with her. This year Paz is going to be shadowing Four and Lauren to oversee training the initiates. She wanted Max to give her a couple to personally train but last I knew she hadn't convinced him." Sienna shrugged. "I guess we'll see."


	3. Chapter Two

_**A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent world. I only own Pazia. (Pronounced: Pah-ze-ah.) This story is set the year before Tris.**_

 ** _Rating:_** _M_

 _A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much to m. marchesi_ 74 _for your follows/favs! Quick shoutout to_ bezgraniczna _, thank you so much for your review! I'm excited to see how this will turn out too! I hope it lives up to your expectations._

 _This chapter's a bit longer, the more we get into the story, the long the chapters will be getting._

 _ **Chapter Two**_

Ellie stood in the boxcar, wind raking at her clothes, swiping her hair away from her face and stinging her sapphire eyes. She loved it. This, the thrill of living life dangerously, this is what she lived for. She never spent a moment regretting transferring from Amity to Dauntless. That had been a split-second decision, spurred on by the encouraging look from her father and brothers. Her mother wasn't in the crowd. She had talked to Ellie the night before and Ellie had been wavering on her decision to stay or transfer but her mother could tell.

She had started crying. It was the quiet tears, the ones without sound but showed just how deeply she was loved and just how fiercely she would be missed. Ellie's heart had been at peace with her family when she bled over the smoldering coals and welcomed into her new life.

She fought like hellcat to make it in and it was echoed in every line of her body. She carried pride and confidence in every cell of her body. She would never forsake that. Not even if her brother couldn't make it. She didn't doubt his strength, it was his mind she doubted. He would excel in Stage One, Stage Two was a different matter. Her younger brother had been through a lot in his life, she hoped he would let her be there for him but doubt rang true.

He wasn't the type to let someone in. He'd never let her in, not once in all their years together.

"Are you ready?" Ellie shouted to be heard over the thunder and squealing of the train as the tires skidded on the tracks, slowing down but still moving at a dangerous pace. He didn't meet her gaze, his large hands clenched tight as he faced the door. The rooftop they needed to reach was rapidly approaching. Ellie could already see small figures flinging themselves off the train, one plummeting. Her heart sank when she saw the Erudite blue clothing and a flash of blonde hair.

That was one transfer they really couldn't afford to lose.

Everyone else made it, they and one more transfer were last to jump. Ellie softly nudged his shoulder, fighting the urge to cower back when Ekon shot her a filthy glare. She squared up, clenching her jaw and narrowing her eyes. He had no right to look at her like that. All she was trying to do was help him and she would not back down. She had faced and fought men if not bigger then at least as big as he was, she would _not_ cower.

After a pause, he turned back to the door and without hesitation, launched himself into the air. Ellie didn't wait to see if he made it. She launched herself off, letting out a whoop of pure glee, rolling with her shoulder and popping smoothly to her feet. The transfers gaped, awed and envious as they sported their various scrapes and bruises. She smirked, sauntering past the and to Sienna's side. They were the only two Dauntless members on the rooftop. Everyone else was going to jump off at the other entrance to their Faction.

The last boxcar drew closer and Ellie narrowed her eyes when she saw not just one figure jump, but two.

 _ **~Scars Fade~**_

Lorcan, newly transferred from Erudite and the last person to get on the train, sat across from another female, eyeing her carefully. She wasn't quite sure what to think of the woman sitting across from her.

She was beautiful in a very dangerous sort of way. Lorcan couldn't tell if she was tall or short because she was sitting but her sharply observant eyes scanned over her, noting the toned arms and legs, various scars littering her body; a shiny scar on her knee, a fading scar across her cheekbone, small scars all over her hands. She had a pretty face, with a sharp jawline, high cheekbones, and slightly narrowed dark blue eyes framed by thick, curling black lashes. Her dark locks were cut short just above her shoulders, shaved short on her left side, a tattoo starkly visible due to the lack of hair. It was a raised scar with a tattoo of dark blue, silver and black flames flaring out from it.

Lorcan felt respect and admiration well up inside of her. This was clearly a person who'd faced their hardships in life and emerged not only victorious but in near-perfect shape.

They sat in silence the entire ride, Lorcan openly curious about the stranger sharing the boxcar with her. She eyed the dark blue streaks in her hair, the ends fading into electric silver, her hair curling around the right side of her face. A line of studs went down the curve of her left ear.

She shot Lorcan an appraising look and Lorcan quickly averted her eyes, flushing despite herself. She hated feeling cowed. She wanted to feel brave and strong. She wanted to look and be like this Dauntless woman. She wanted to _belong_. More than anything that is what she longs for. Belonging is a beautiful dream, drifting on the edge of her consciousness but never fully connecting. She didn't want to have her firefly dream anymore. She wanted those brief and brilliant flashes of belonging to becoming solid and true and real. This was her first true chance.

Anticipation welled inside when she thought of her initiation. Lorcan had no clue what was waiting for her. If she had stayed in Erudite, her initiation would have been various mental tests before a final assignment to come up with and bring to life a creation that would better life not only for Erudite but for all of the Factions. Their technology is what keeps everyone on nearly the same level, though Erudite was, inevitably, ahead of the other factions in that department.

The train began to slow before continuing at a steady pace.

Uncertain, Lorcan glanced at the mysterious woman. What was she supposed to do now? She rose carefully to her feet, crouching and catching her balance before rising and moving carefully to the door, clinging to the handle and glancing out. For a moment, she didn't understand what she was seeing. It wasn't anything rational. If she were in Erudite, no one would even dream of this being part of the initiation. Then again, they were expected to leap onto a moving train, she should have expected the following part...jumping _off_ a moving train.

She had looked in time to see the only other Erudite transfer miss the jump and plummet to the ground. There was no way she made it alive. She hadn't been particularly close to the other girl. Her name had been Maisie. Maisie had been quiet but unfailingly polite. She didn't deserve to die that way. Lorcan couldn't spend time mourning the other girl though. Not yet. She still had a jump to make.

Lorcan glanced behind her, swallowing a startled shriek when she saw the other woman behind her.

She met Lorcan's startled gaze boldly, a smooth smirk curling on her full, glossy, dark red mouth. She didn't say a word, just arched a dark eyebrow, the side with the scar. Lorcan turned away, resisting the urge to crunch her shoulders, feeling like turning her back to this woman was akin to turning her back on a very large, very dangerous predator. Sweat made her grip on the door slick and Lorcan swallowed hard, her pulse hammering in her throat.

There were only a couple more boxcars ahead of them.

Two people flung themselves off the train, both landing safely; though the female by far the most graceful out of the pair. Lorcan sucked in a deep breath, readying herself for the jump- but she froze. She couldn't do it. She's never done anything this dangerous in her life. She hasn't even climbed a tree! What was she thinking? She should have stayed at home. She may not be the most intelligent or charismatic but she would have been a useful cog in the machine of her faction. Lorcan turned away from the door, wanting to take her decision back.

"Oh, no you don't." The laughing remark met her ears just as the woman slung an arm around her waist, yanking them backward before forcing them into a quick run.

"What? No!" Lorcan shrieked but they were already moving and her body took over, launching her into the air, a blood-curdling scream wrenching out of her very soul. They were suspended in the air and for one breath-taking moment...everything seemed to slow down. She could feel the muscles in her body tremoring faintly, her heart hammering a desperate beat against her ribs, the sunlight almost blinding her after the soothing darkness of the train...and then they landed.

At some point, the woman had released her so there was nothing to cushion her fall. She landed on her feet, a quick flash of pain flaring in her ankles before momentum took over and flung her forward, rolling roughly over the ground. Her elbow slammed the ground and she bit her lower lip harshly as she rolled to a stop, blinking back tears of pain and shock. Her entire body throbbed with pain...and she...loved it. Lorcan had never felt so alive, never felt so...she didn't have words for the energy thrumming through her.

And for once in her life, that was okay.

"Get up." Lorcan looked up to see a calloused and scarred hand in front of her face. She gazed past the hand and into the woman's eyes. She had that same eyebrow cocked, a pleased smile curled on her mouth. She was amused but also approving and Lorcan felt a flush of pride rush through her. She had jumped off a moving train and survived. Conveniently forgetting she had been forced to jump off the train, Lorcan grasped her hand, allowing the woman to help her to her feet.

"Thanks!" Lorcan said breathlessly, brushing her clothing off, feeling the rough sting of scraped palms against the fabric. She winced, glancing at the other female's clothes and not seeing a speck of dirt. Damn. Well, there was nothing for it- she'd just have to practice to get better at it.

"Don't mention it, kid." She flashed a grin, noting Lorcan's bristle at the patronizing title and the laughter reflecting in her eyes. She turned away from Lorcan without another word, walking forward. The watching initiates moved out of her way without command. There was something about the way this woman carried herself, with pride and confidence and silent authority that made them back out of her way without her needing to speak a single word. She strode forward, reaching the ledge and leaping up with expert grace, a wide, genuine smile gracing her face when she saw the short, copper-haired woman beside Sienna, the Dauntless leader that led them here.

Sienna sighed but crossed her arms and didn't speak. Even she granted this woman respect.

Her curiosity flaring, Lorcan moved her gaze back to the two women.

Ellie, the second woman grinned back at the first, flinging her arms around her in a quick hug. The other woman wrapped her in a warm hug, whispering something in her ear that made her laugh freely. They knew each other. Lorcan was surprised by the flash of jealousy she felt. _She_ wanted to be accepted and looked at with respect and friendship like that.

"Are you two done?" Sienna asked dryly. The silence on the rooftop helped her voice carry, though Lorcan had the suspicion even if everyone had been talking, she would have been heard, such was the pitch and tenor of command laced in every syllable.

"Of course, Sienna." The female winked before glancing back at Ellie, mouthing something they couldn't see but sending the two women into a fit of childish giggles. Clearing her throat pointedly, Sienna narrowed her emerald gaze, a smile tugging at her mouth. It had been far too long.

"Why is it you're always being scolded about something, Paz?" Sienna inquired, rolling her eyes with fondness.

"Most people are just jealous of my witty banter and stunning good looks," Paz struck a careless, yet arrogant, pose, glancing at Sienna with a teasing grin. Sienna let loose a bark of laughter and turned back to them still grinning.

"Hello, initiates. My name is Sienna and I am one of the leaders of Dauntless, your new faction." Observing Sienna closely, Lorcan spotted the quick, sideways glance she shot at Paz but she didn't pause in her speech so Lorcan tucked the question to the back of her mind. "You might be wondering why we are here, on this roof. Any suggestions?" There's a laughing gleam in her eyes.

Lorcan glanced around but everyone was just as confused as she was.

"No one? That's a shame!" Paz called, casually propping her forearm on Ellie's shoulder and leaning on the shorter woman. "The last bunch was smarter- and I don't just say that because _I_ was part of the last bunch." Paz taunted. Ellie scoffed, sliding out from under her arm with an ease that spoke of practice. Paz took a step to the side to compensate for the lack of stability before shrugging teasingly at Ellie.

"That's a bald-faced lie and you know it!" Ellie accused and Paz grinned.

"Since none of you can guess, I need a volunteer to jump," Sienna announced. Dead silence rang loudly on the roof. Every single one of them froze, unwilling to make a movement and have themselves offered up to jump. "One of you will be the first to jump but make no mistake-" She swept a raptor gaze over the lot of them. "-every single one of you will be following." She finished with a smirk. "And if you don't jump on your own, you're factionless. And if none of you can find your _bravery_ -" Contempt dripped from the word like acid. "-then I will pick who goes first for you."

"Aww, well that's a little mean, doncha think?" Paz pipped up and this time, Sienna didn't bother to look at her.

"Well?" Sienna prompted. Lorcan swallowed deeply, her mouth dry. She wanted to step forward but her fear glued her into place. She didn't have a fear of heights but she definitely had an aversion to jumping to her death before she stepped foot into the compound.

Rational thought cautioned her fear before it could spiral out of control. There was no way they would be forced to jump to their deaths. Dauntless needed every single one of them. They are the new blood her new faction needs. She met Paz's challenging gaze and found it somewhere inside to take a step forward. Then another and another until she was standing in front of the three intimidating women. She tipped her head back, just far enough that the light wouldn't blind her.

"Excuse me," Lorcan said politely. Sienna groaned and rolled her eyes.

"It's another you!" She accused, jabbing a finger in Paz's direction. Paz widened her eyes innocently and placed an offended palm to her chest.

"I would _never_ -" She paused. "Be so polite!" Ellie didn't bother to muffle her snort that time and gently nudged Sienna to the side, moving as she did so.

"Go ahead." Ellie offered her hand with a kind smile. Lorcan smiled back but didn't accept the helping hand, climbing up on her own. The last thing she heard before she jumped was Sienna insisting Paz had plotted this all out and Lorcan was going to be her little minion, her laugh bubbling out of her as she plummeted into the darkness below.

 ** _~Scars Fade~_**

Eric paced back and forth on the balcony.

Tension thrummed through his muscles. He was wound tighter than a spring and not nearly as forgiving. He felt the sudden longing for a drink, wishing it wasn't before dinner. After dinner, alcohol in Dauntless flowed freer than water but he was leaving as soon as his speech was given. He'd eaten before he showed up in the Pit, not wanting to linger any longer than was strictly necessary.

"You look nervous," Angel remarked, striding onto the balcony, her tablet in hand. She focused her piercing hazel eyes back to the tablet, tapping away at the screen. "Not happy your toy is coming back today?" She was completely cold and disinterested, only asking out of obligation.

"Who?" He met her gaze with a glare of his own, determined to not understand what or who she was talking about.

"I don't believe it!" Angel laughed right in his face, amusement on her face. "You _are_ nervous, aren't you? You missed her." Angel stated confidently.

"I did not." Eric snapped irately, his finger tightening reflexively on the trigger. He briefly entertained the idea of flicking off the trigger and riddling her body so full of bullet holes she was unrecognizable. He couldn't get away with it though, he was the only other person up there and Max would know.

"You sound like a child, Eric. Does it make you feel like a child to miss her when she doesn't even want you?" Angel taunted, knowing full well he couldn't retaliate physically.

"That's enough, Angel." Max strode past her, irritation flashing in his dark eyes. The last thing he wanted was Angel stirring up trouble and making Eric feistier than usual. "Eric can handle his shit. The initiates were taken to their quarters and are getting changed, they'll be here soon." Max informed them.

"Good, being here is the last thing I want." Eric snarled, shooting a deadly glare at Angel, who only smirked and turned back to her tablet. He turned away, striding to one of the seats and sinking down, stoking the anger stirring in his chest. Good. It was better to be angry than lonely- he turned his thoughts away, not wanting to dwell on that.

The time passed with Eric fiddling with his gun, his large hands nimble. He knew this gun inside and out, better than any of the other guns they had.

"They're on their way," Max announced and Eric blinked, sliding his ammo clip back in with a sharp click. He rose to his feet and moved closer to the railing.

"What are you going to tell the kids this year?" Eric asked, cocking a blonde eyebrow.

"Same shit, different words." Max shrugged, grinning. Eric nodded, turning away. So, he didn't necessarily need to pay attention then.

More noise than usual exploded down below and he stiffened, reluctantly turning to face it. Here goes nothing. He surveyed the mess below with a cold gaze, sweeping past the usual sight of his faction and locking with razor-sharp focus on the meek group filing in. He could spot the transfers from the dauntless born in a second just from the way they received the attention. Only five transfers?

There should have been six.

One must not have made it. Mentally shrugging, after all, Dauntless was for the strong, not the weak, Eric scanned past them, focusing on Sienna and Ellie trailing in with Lauren and- Paz. His heart skipped a beat before continuing at a faster pace. There she was. For the first time in six months, he laid eyes on his once-upon-a-time-lover.

Paz was the same but different. He could tell just by looking at her. She used to walk with arrogance, now she walked with confidence. She used to carry herself with too much swagger and strut, now she carried herself with pride at an easy saunter that spoke of true belief in her own strength and power. She used to ooze sex, now she gave off an air of charisma and charm, subtle sex in her movements. She wasn't flaunting herself anymore, she was letting her own beauty be seen and it was one of the most erotic sights he had seen since she left.

He slid his gaze from her shorter and bluer hair down to her neck, a flash of displeasure running through him when he noted a lack of the clear phoenix necklace he'd bought for her the year before on a visit to the Marketplace. Even the clothes she was wearing were different. Before it was skimpy clothing and now it was admittedly still somewhat skimpy but no longer in the way it was before.

She was wearing a thin black velvet choker around her neck, and a thin black crop top sweater with the sleeves cut off, the sweater curving just above her belly button of which a silver charm was glinting, a v-neck dipping just low enough to reveal a hint of cleavage and nothing more. His gaze slid lower, approval rumbling through his chest when he saw she was wearing a skirt. He'd never seen her in a skirt before, much less a fairly short pleated dark blue and silver skirt, strong silver buckles on the waist. The skirt accentuated the curve of her hips and his hands itched to grab her and, preferably, pin her to the closest wall and ravage her until she came undone around his mouth and fingers.

He devoured her in his hungry gaze while she was unaware, taking in his fill before he needed to close himself off again. She should be coming up to the balcony but- in pure Paz fashion, she ignored protocol and slid onto a bench with her friends, each of them pouncing on her and showering her in an array of attention.

She was laughing, soaking it all in with unrestrained glee.

She was so fucking beautiful.

He had to have her back.

He would get her back.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

I'm finally back.

After six months away and countless hours of grueling training, I'm finally back. I strode through the entrance of the Pit, the pure feeling of home enveloping me. I felt fierce pride swell in my heart when I beheld my faction for the first time in six months. They were shouting, cheering, gleefully crowing their pride and welcome. I couldn't have stopped the grin from spreading on my face even if I wanted to- and I really didn't.

"PAZ!"

I heard the squeal moments before a hard body slammed into mine. My yelp was lost beneath the squeals in my ears and the clamor surrounding me. The scent of vanilla enveloped me even as multiple arms slid around me, squishing me uncomfortably in place. I opened my eyes, mildly startled to realize I had even closed them. Raven's gleeful dark eyes met mine and I beamed at her, squeezing them back. Emily and Violette were babbling in my ears, their voices high with excitement. I could see the guys hovering on the fringes of the group, not quite as overwhelmed with emotion as the girls were. It didn't really surprise me, as much as I love the guys in my group, I'm not close with them like I am with Ellie, Raven, Emily, Violette, Sasha, Tabby, Misty, and Izzy.

They finally released me and I beckoned to Ander with my arms open. His emerald eyes lighting up, he whooped, scooping me up and squeezing me tight. I squealed with laughter, my feelings for him akin to that of a big brother.

"I missed you too, Ander!" I shouted in his ear, it being necessary so he could hear me over the noise. He hugged me tighter in response before carefully setting me down. I gave individual hugs to Dean, Zander, Raza and Sam, the last four members of our group.

I stepped back, looking over them fondly. This was the point where I was supposed to leave and go up to the leader's balcony. I wasn't about to leave my family so soon after being reunited with them. I hooked my arms in Raven and Ellie's, tugging them gently to the benches. The Pit's been expanded since I left. Not by much but enough that it was noticeable. I spotted a few faces I didn't recognize; they were younger, too young to have Chosen their new faction yet. They were the kids allowed to dine with the full members of Dauntless.

Kids aren't allowed out of the nursery until the age of eight, the age where they've mostly grown out of their childish behavior and are a little more aware of their surroundings.

Mostly.

"Aren't you supposed to be sitting up there?" Raza questioned curiously. His ash-blonde hair used to have orange and purple streaks. Now the ends are colored brilliant neon green. He gestured carelessly to the upper balcony where the leaders are supposed to be. The leaders in training are also supposed to be up there but I don't know the other leaders in training. There are supposed to be five at all times, one to replace each of the Dauntless leaders if the need should ever arise. I tried asking around before I left but no one could tell me if there were any other leaders in training which is confusing.

Eric never let it slip while we were dating either and I could never figure out why the other leaders in training, assuming there are others, have been kept secret from the general public and I wasn't. Everyone knows me as a leader in training. I never hid the fact and I was never told to hide the fact so it's fairly well known.

Not to mention looked down upon.

I shook the thought off and turned back to the conversations happening around me. Ellie and Emily were laughing about a prank they had pulled and were excitedly talking over each other to get it out before bursting into laughter. Raven was distracted by something on her...tablet? When did she get one of those? They aren't necessarily restricted for the leaders and leaders in training but it was extremely rare to find someone who wasn't with a tablet.

Violette was watching Emily and Ellie laughing with a fond but mildly envious look. Misty and Sam were cuddled together, exchanging quiet, intimate words so I looked away, not wanting to intrude. Raza was crowing about a training victory, Ander scoffing and teasing him to the laughter from Tabby, Sasha and Izzy. Zander scooped Tabby up, settling her into his laugh and playfully jostled Ander's shoulder, knocking him into Dean, who held up his burger patty threateningly.

"Don't make me slap you with this!" He chided. I sensed a missing joke when Ellie nearly choked, turning away from Emily and grinning at him.

They had survived without me. Not only survived, continued to thrive and I was whole-heartedly happy for them, I just wished I could have been there to experience these moments with them.

"Hey," Raven gently shoved my shoulder. "We missed you." She beamed at me, dark eyes glinting at me. I nodded, understanding the unspoken words to get my shit together and pull my head out of my ass. I flung my arm around her shoulder and nodded.

"I'm being an idiot," I freely admitted, "My bad." I shrugged and almost instantly all conversation stopped. I froze in the act of stealing a single, mouthwateringly golden fry from Ellie's plate. "Uh," I glanced around the table in confusion. "Hey," I waved the tiniest bit awkwardly before realizing I was waving with the hand with the fry and tucked my stolen treat into my mouth hastily. "What gives?" I mumbled, trying to blow on the hot fry in my mouth and speak at the same time. Something garbled resembling what I wanted to say came out and Raza huffed out a laugh, settling down on the bench instead of standing on it.

"Did...you just...apologize?" Ellie was the first to break the weird silence with her slow question.

"And admit you did something wrong?" Tabby added nonchalantly, stealing a fry too. Ellie shot her a dirty glare and protectively circled her plate with her arms. We are all aware of her mildly concerning obsession with fries and the only way I got away with stealing the one with no repercussions is she didn't expect it and I had distracted them with my apparently weird behavior.

"Yep. I'm growing up and all that good stuff." I teased, flashing a shooting squad grin. A loud, piercing whistle split the loud air and I cringed, stuffing my fingers into my ears. I looked around for the source of the sound, my bright grin threatening to sour when I saw Eric standing at the leader's balcony, flanked by Max, Angel, Conner and Sienna. I mimed gagging up at them and Sienna grinned, shaking her head. Conner started laughing, amber eyes lit up in amusement. Max leveled me with a granite look and I quickly attempted to look contrite.

It was hard.

My heart was pounding through my body, heat flushed my face and I felt so anxious I could almost be sick. I refused to acknowledge the reason I was feeling this way, because it sure as hell wasn't Max. I was sure I looked mildly panicked but hopefully the flush I had on my face would be attributed to the excitement of being back home.

"Now that we have silence," Max announced loudly, looking pointedly at me. I felt a strong sense of deja vu. I flashed a peace sign and stood.

"My bad!" There was a swell of laughter and I turned to Sasha, Zander, Dean and Izzy, the five out of the six that we used to be that was still here. It used to be Sasha, Dean, Zander, Josh, Izzy and me when I first walked through those doors. A strong sense of nostalgia swept through me as memories crowded through my brain.

Our initiation night we had caused a distraction to make Max reprimand us in a similar way to what he just did.

Izzy shared a bittersweet smile with us, her eyes flooding with lingering pain. Josh had been her older brother and it destroyed her when he died, supposedly by jumping into the Chasm. It had haunted us all last year, the question of why he would. None of us had believed he would jump on his own and launched a secret investigation that had led to nowhere...for them. I had found the person who pushed him.

My gaze darkened with hate and I sat, glancing up at Eric.

I could never forgive him for this.

~Scars Fade~

Max finished his speech and we exploded into noise, reaching for food and gorging ourselves on the rich chocolate cake.

"Shove off!" I snarled playfully, slicing an extra-large piece. Zander started snickering at me. "What?" I snapped, gleefully dropping it onto my already full plate.

"I will never understand where you pack it all away!" Raza crowed, cutting a piece for himself that was about the same size as mine.

"I bet I can eat mine faster!" I challenged, smirking and holding his gaze competitively. If there's one thing I know about Raza, he's just like me. We never back down from a challenge.

"You-" He stabbed the air with a fork at me. "Are on!" His eyes glittered with excitement.

"Ellie-"

"Sam-"

We both stopped.

"Fine." I pouted. "You both can judge." Ellie and Sam started laughing but obediently followed Raza's instructions as he angled them so they could have the best possible view of the both of us in order to get the most accurate judgement of who won.

"Ready?" Ellie asked. I grinned, looking down at my fork before boldly tossing it behind me.

"Now I am!" I said proudly.

"HEY!" I heard a yelp behind me and turned to see Howard, a dauntless born soldier we had gone through initiation with, holding his head. The fork I had so carelessly thrown glittered on the floor. My eyes widened and I burst out laughing.

"Perfect aim!" I crowed, high-fiving Ellie. That was the last straw for our table and we exploded into boisterous laughter. I leaned to the side against Dean, adding my voice to the giggles sweeping the table. Tabby was laughing hard enough crystal tears glittered in her hazel-gold eyes. Our eyes met and we both started giggling harder. My stomach started cramping and I gasped for air, struggling to breathe and continue the merriment at the same time.

"Okay, okay!" Ander gasped out, emerald eyes glinting with tears. We all slowly settled down, still laughing occasionally but not as bad.

"Ready?" Emily asked excitedly. I glanced at Raza and he nodded.

"Yeah, I just wish I had another fork to throw-" Near the end of my sentence I started choking on snorts of laughter. I sucked in air and wiped the tears of laughter away. "But I'm good."I finished, nodding firmly.

"Good. On your mark-"

I've missed my family.

~Scars Fade~

"I think Max wants to speak with you, Paz." Ellie nudged my shoulder, her fork dangling loosely from her other hand. Her sapphire eyes were locked warily on the leader's balcony. "It looks like Eric is about to leave though." I fought the urge to tense, keeping my body language loose and comfortable. I shrugged and swiped my face with a napkin, flicking the last of my chocolate crumbs off my plate towards Raza. He snarled playfully at me.

"I won and you know it." He said sourly. I couldn't help the large grin that slid slyly onto my face.

"I had time to finish that full slice and start on another one by the time you finished your first one." I kept my tone lightly arrogant. I wanted to look around, to spot where Eric was so I could pick the best path to both get to Max and stay away from Eric. I stood, stretching casually, aware of several pairs of eyes locking on my bare midriff and legs, one pair burning into me stronger than anyone else's. I was suddenly regretful of shaving the side of my head, feeling my ears heat up.

"Eric is staring." Tabby stated casually, swiping her last fry through barbeque sauce, a disgusting favorite combination of hers that none of us, save Zander, understood.

"I know." My voice came out harder than I meant and I could see her shoulders stiffen. Tabby isn't the type to be talked to like that. I sent her an apologetically playful wrinkle of my nose and puppy eyes. She huffed, rolling her eyes and lifting her lip in a snarl. While outwardly antagonistic, I could see her shoulder relax and grinned, knowing I was forgiven.

"Grow a pair and get going before you miss your chance to talk to Max." Tabby snapped, turning back to Zander. I grinned at her, hearing the undercurrent of affection in her tone. I nodded to the rest of the group and spun, heading after Max at a brisk pace.

"Max!" I called, cupping my hands around my mouth to maximize the sound. I saw him look around and stepped up my pace. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flash of blonde. I sped up, jogging now. I could tell to anyone observing it would look like I was running away from Eric but I didn't really care. Encroaching panic threatened to engulf me.

I didn't want to have to face him.

Not now, not yet.

I'm not ready.

Max disappeared out the door and I snarled lowly under my breath, not slowing my pace at all. I squeezed past a couple of soldiers, sweating and laughing together. I didn't bother to excuse myself or apologize, all that would have gotten me was some weird looks. I wanted to call out Max's name again but the voiceless roar that was the Pit was more than likely drowning me out. I made it to the door, escaping the flow of human traffic.

Max was nowhere to be seen.

"Fucking hell, Max." I drew the words out with an irritated sigh, resisting the urge to hit the wall. I spun on a heel, the bottom of my pleated skirt flaring out. I stopped.

Eric stood behind me, his large, brawny form blocking my view of the tunnel behind him. I swallowed deeply, suddenly aware of how far I'd unintentionally traveled from the Pit. I didn't know what to do, my palms feeling damp. He's giving me sweaty palms now?! I resisted the urge to snarl, knowing it would only make him believe I wasn't over him.

Regardless of if I was or wasn't, I'm done with him.

One day I will really believe it but for now, I just need to get this over with.

"Eric." I spoke his name without a trace of the adoration that used to curl around every letter. My brute. I almost flinched at the reminder of the almost loving nickname. I was his ruthless and he was my brute. Used to be...I needed to take the moment to remind myself. I was proud of the way I managed to keep his name cool and professional in my mouth.

That wasn't the only thing of his I'd had in my mouth a few months ago...Focus! I struggled to keep my gaze from straying from his, feeling the urge to scan his body and see how much it had changed. He flexed his biceps, smirking playfully at me when I couldn't help the reflexive glance to the thick, golden muscles.

Fuck. His arms had gotten bigger. How the hell had they gotten bigger?

I narrowed my eyes the slightest bit and he stepped into the crimson light of the lantern.

"Hello Paz."

~Scars Fade~

He couldn't help the slight dampness of his palms.

She always did have the ability to throw him off his game. He hadn't ever been this nervous though. That was a lie. He'd been this nervous twice before. When he told her, he loved her...and when she turned her back on him and left for months without word. He hadn't spoken to her since his confession and subsequent wait for Paz to show up while he paced and paced and paced out on his fire escape.

He had never in a million years believed she would leave him.

Not after his confession.

He'd never loved a girl before. He loved his mother when he was a child but when she learned she had cancer when he was five and died shortly after when he was eight, he learned to hold people at a distance. Eric had always been a quick learner, even by his peer's standards. It had baffled everyone when he left Erudite and transferred to Dauntless.

What none of those nosers had ever seen or understood was his pain, left festering for years under his father's unwatchful eyes, had turned to blinding rage. He couldn't fight cancer; he couldn't stop cancer and he couldn't stop death. What he could stop was the bullies he had been patiently dealing with for years.

The first time he lashed out and hit them back was the moment he knew he would never be content to stay in Erudite forever. The feeling of relief, like a bottle too full and shaken up being suddenly uncorked- he would never go back.

He had never seen his rage, the rage that was borne of pain left unspoken and uncared for, in another's eyes before. He knew people that had lost a loved one but they usually had some sort of support system. Eric, as a child, never had any friends. Erudite encourages competition, believing it to encourage students to push themselves harder but Eric was naturally intelligent and he didn't have to struggle to learn as so many other students did.

That bred jealousy and anger.

His father was devoted to his research on cancer and never saw what his son was turning into. By the time he pulled his head out of his research papers to see his son drip a fistful of blood into the bowl of smoldering coals, it had been too late.

Eric left Erudite and never looked back.

On visitation day as a transfer, all the other transfers were mingling with their families. He was in the training room hitting a punching bag relentlessly until the skin on his knuckles broke.

When she came, when he saw her...he saw his own spirit in her eyes.

She had been so bold...her and her dauntless born friends. They had flaunted their oddly close relationship right from the beginning. Most transfers, when they are split from the recently made dauntless born friends, tend to withdraw and keep the invisible line there. Not them. Zander had broken away from the group the sweep her in an enthusiastic hug which left them both laughing.

She'd met his gaze after Zander set her down and left to join his group, unashamed and unbowed.

Something deep in her eyes caught his attention but it was easily dismissed. He'd seen attractive people before, it was nothing new.

Then later, when he caught her staring at the Chasm like she'd never seen anything so awe-inspiring and amazing, he'd felt the urge to taunt her. That part wasn't an unusual occurrence, what was unusual was when he took a step in her personal space. Her reaction, the tensing of her muscles, her breath catching...that was normal, the reasons behind it were not. He was used to females locking in on his attention the second he entered a room and even more so when he stepped in their direction. Paz wasn't tensing because of her attraction to him.

Or, at least, not only for that reason.

She was attracted to him, yes, but she tensed because she was afraid. He was too close and all of her silent alarms had gone off. That still wasn't what caught his attention though. Right after her tell-tale signs of fear...he saw a brief, flashing glimpse of deep, untempered rage. She hated being afraid of him. She was enraged of her fear but not because of him, because she couldn't control it.

Her rage went deep and ran fierce.

He'd never seen his own broken spirit reflected back in someone else's eyes before. It understandably shook him but he didn't let even the smallest hint of it show.

He couldn't figure her out and the rest of the night she continued to show conflicting displays. He couldn't pin her down. One minute she was quiet and meek and the next she was loud and arrogant with her dauntless friends, causing a disruption in the middle of Max's speech. So, he decided to test her.

He instructed Lauren to speak with her dauntless born charges, warning them to keep away from the transfers. When Paz had been separated from her friends, she had, for lack of a better term, faded away. Her bright spirit was muted and gray and he hadn't been quite sure what to do so he ignored her.

Bottom line, he couldn't quite figure out when exactly he'd begun to fall for her. It was impossible for him to figure out and the small, sappy part of himself that he never, ever acknowledged whispered that maybe it had been the moment he'd seen her. The moment she'd caught his attention and never lost it.

Or maybe it was during the second stage of her training when her rage had overwhelmed her and she provoked him into actually fighting her. He'd fought many people before. He'd never fought against someone who wasn't afraid to fight just as fiercely, wildly and ruthlessly as he was. She'd let her broken and scattered spirit show and it to his breath away in raw empathy. He'd never experienced that before.

But he had to hold back. He refused to add to it. But she would not back down- and his temper broke. He'd been going through a lot then, that just wasn't the best excuse for letting himself hurt her the way he had. She'd given as good as she got though, leaving him with stitches and a fractured nose.

That's when he knew she'd be his.

She'd marked him.

Four, Max and surprisingly enough, Sienna were the only ones who'd managed that before. That was the moment he knew she'd be his; because the only people who could take their destructive love and survive, it was them.

"What do you want?" Paz looked at him and he desperately longed to see the warmth that cobalt gaze used to carry. He wanted her face to break out in that familiar smile, her small but deep dimples flashing sweetly at him.

He almost closed his eyes to ward against the painful reality of her cold gaze searing into him. Almost.

Deep in his mind, he knew he had to face what he'd done, what he'd destroyed. He swallowed deep and took a step closer. Upon her reflexive step back, his lifted boot slowly lowered. He didn't try to step forward again.

"You look good," He worked hard to keep his voice hard but he'd never been able to resist her. He hid a wince, registering how earnest he sounded. Fuck! He sounded like a pansy.

She didn't bother to dignify that with a response.

Her face was calm but focused. She wasn't icing him out but by no means was she accepting him. Her posture was relatively relaxed. She wasn't fidgeting. His heart plummeted.

That was her tell.

When they'd been dancing around each other, he was confident she liked him; not because she said so, because she fidgeted around him.

Around most people she was still, physically speaking. Her every movement was spent scanning for exits, avoiding contact while being natural, things like that. Around him? She was too focused on not letting him distract her that it ended up distracting her from everything but him. It manifested in the way she'd go to scan an exit and subconsciously twist her body towards him. Or when she was talking, her gaze would stray to admire the dark ink stacking its way up his throat, curiosity and hunger shining with equal fervor in her sly glances.

It happened so often he didn't know how she'd fought against them happening for so long...but that didn't matter anymore.

She wasn't fidgeting.

Her gaze didn't stray from where it was locked, commanding in the accusing ray. She had locked on him.

"Is that all?"

Most people wouldn't have known what to expect when facing the person they'd once shared unimaginable closeness with. Eric did. He knew she'd be cold and dismissive. It didn't mean it hurt any less when he saw just how much she'd rid herself of him.

Her blue eyes, once alive and bright with energy when she looked at him, were cold and fathomless.

She'd had to change and train herself to forget the bad memories so many times, it clawed his insides to know he was the cause of it this time.

Eric opened his mouth, the words he'd been planning for so long right there at the tip of his tongue. He hesitated. He actually...hesitated. All those words faded away and he was left staring into her glacier eyes with nothing to say.

He tried again, mouth open but no words coming out.

'What I said before, I meant it.'

The words echoed in his head. He knew she'd know what he was talking about from the moment the words left his mouth. The only problem there was, is the whole reason he felt the need to explain himself. She might remember the words, but she would also remember the night she'd heard them.

It was the night she found out about him working with Jeanine, they were hunting Divergents, her friend Josh was Divergent, and finally that not only had he been the killer; he'd looked her in the eyes every day from that point on...and lied. He'd answered her questions about him as though he didn't know, as though it wasn't like a knife gradually sliding between his ribs and twisting deeper and deeper with each lie that slipped from his mouth.

He'd remind her that she'd woken up from nightmares, sobbing and clinging to him because she dreamed about the body of her friend. She'd remember every time he soothed her fears and tears, holding her tight until she fell back asleep or cried herself into exhaustion.

She'd remember everything.

Hating himself for his cowardice (only in the face of her painful, easy dismissal), Eric slowly closed his mouth. The silence between them grew until it felt as though it was taking on a life of it's own, growing bigger, uglier and ore charged with every moment she stood, staring into his eyes, into his soul- and her dead eyes showed there was nothing there she saw as worth fighting for.

He couldn't take it.

He shifted his gaze to the left. He stared at the wall over and behind her left shoulder blindly, his pulse racing, his face growing warm with shame. He didn't expect to feel it but staring into eyes colder than the stone he was staring at now...how could he not?

It would have made him into a bigger monster than he was now. He suddenly felt filthy, his skin crawled and he long to claw at himself until that filthy, dirty feeling left him. A sinking feeling told him it might not be that simple.

When he could finally bring himself to look back, she was closer than he'd expected or noticed. He'd forgotten how tiny she was. Delicate but never fragile. Looks could be deceiving.

She looked at him and he finally saw something. Some flicker of emotion. Hope bloomed in his chest.

"I don't know what you want from me," In her eyes, in her voice he could hear how deep the confusion went, even as his grew- until he heard her continue to speak, frozen and unable to move. "I don't know what you expected would happen. But let me be perfectly clear-" Her voice, calm, if a bit confused before, abruptly hardened and sharpened. "I don't know why I ignored my every instinct to love you, to be with you- but it will never happen again." It was a solemn promise.

He looked into her eyes, once warm and open, now cold and barren...and his bleeding soul believed her.

"You and I were done the day you killed him. We just didn't know it yet." This woman, someone he once wouldn't have hesitated to pull close, was now millions of miles away. What burned more than anything wat the knowledge he couldn't blame someone else. He had no one else to blame. He could only face the truth...he'd screwed up...and he was never getting her back.

Paz paused just long enough to drive the point home.

Then she turned and walked away, shoulders straight and proud, pace slow and steady. He watched her walk away and it destroyed him.


End file.
